When Self-Interest Crosses the Line to Selfishness

How to know the difference... and how COVID and the US election exemplify this dilemma

Image: Unsplash/Mick Haupt

One of my most vivid memories of the COVID-19 pandemic involved a supermarket trip in mid-March, 2020.

The shelves were bare.

Paper goods, junk food, and even ice cream (apparently, quite a necessity) — were gone. My reaction to this surreal landscape was sadness. Why did so many shoppers stuff their carts with months worth of staples, with seeming disregard for others?

Such actions to safeguard well-being for self and family were likely triggered by fear. I get it. Take care of your own and all. Perhaps some of the panic buyers endured food insecurity in the past. Or they may have experienced past trauma that keeps them poised on alert for any danger. Never again!

And while these folks may not see themselves as selfish, their actions beg the question: When does self-interest cross the line and become selfishly excessive or harmful to others?

Panic buying during the pandemic contributed in part to a drastic reduction in supplies that left many of us wanting. But it also created hardship for the hoarders; when their stockpiles eventually dwindled, they were left to scramble like the rest of us.

When we hurt others, we often hurt ourselves.

Self-interest and the 2024 US presidential election

While pundits will speculate for some time about why Donald Trump won the recent election, one theory presumes that it was fueled by voters’ opinions (whether correct or incorrect) about the economy.

Back in the early 1990’s, the phrase, “it’s the economy, stupid” was coined by political advisor James Carville to characterize reasons why George H. W. Bush lost his reelection bid to Bill Clinton. Perhaps, the same rationale contributed to the recent election results. Many voters were driven by self-interest. What’s in it for me? Which candidate will lower the cost of gasoline or bread?

When the dust settles, we may know more about voters’ top concerns. But when citizens “vote their pocketbook,” their desires for a better, easier lifestyle are at the forefront… and other issues (such as what might be good for their neighbors or their country) become secondary. Whether it involves a lone vote or participation in a political campaign, choices based on self-interest that ignore pressing national and international issues may lead to unanticipated negative consequences.

How to distinguish between self-interest and selfishness

Selfishness can be understood as a psychological construct, Yale University researchers Ryan Carlson and colleagues proposed in their article, Psychological Selfishness. They described selfishness as “a desire to act in a way that benefits oneself and violates a prevailing social expectation, such that it disregards the desires of others in the situation.”

The researchers point out that most people don’t want to be selfish, but they may hold onto “biases that obscure their own selfishness.” They don’t recognize when healthy self-interest morphs into selfishness. Or they minimize and discount the potential negative impact of their actions.

Much in science finds that we all have cognitive biases, which lead us to take in information that supports our views and decisions and filter out anything that runs counter.

Selfishness, according to Carlson and colleagues, is defined within a social context. We label others (and occasionally ourselves) as selfish based on assumptions about motivations and what is expected within a specific situation. We feel anger or hurt when we witness selfishness in others, but most of us also feel guilt and embarrassment when we view our own behaviors as selfish.

A starving homeless person who steals food, for example, might be viewed sympathetically, while someone who cuts ahead in a ticket line evokes anger. Economically depressed voters (whose financial worries influenced decisions at the ballot box) might be viewed with more compassion than millionaires looking to expand their portfolios or cash in on tax breaks for the wealthy.

Either way, selfish motivation does not necessarily arise from a conscious desire to harm others, concluded social psychology researchers Jennifer Crocker and colleagues in a research review. “Selfish people sometimes simply intend to benefit themselves without considering the implications of their actions for the well-being of others,” they wrote.

Nevertheless, Crocker and colleagues commented that selfishness sometimes involves exploitativeness, greed, entitlement, or a lack of empathy, along with “low levels of positive other-focused emotions such as compassion, gratitude, and feelings of love and caring.”

Finding that balance between appropriate self-interest and selfishness, though, can be tricky.

When selfishness backfires and leads to regret

Selfishness leads to negative outcomes for the individual, Crocker and colleagues concluded. They cited numerous studies that found an association between selfishness and lower life satisfaction, higher levels of envy, and poor psychological well-being, physical health, and relationships.

Selfishness also leads to regret… a very unpleasant emotion.

Regret is defined as a negative cognitive or emotional state, according to psychologist Melanie Greenberg, author of The Stress-Proof Brain. “It involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been, or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made,” Greenberg writes.

In my clinical psychology practice, the regrets clients often describe include remorse about what they view in hindsight as selfish: dishonesty, betrayal, or emotional wounds inflicted through action or inaction (such as failure to intervene when someone is being abused). Many bemoan acting like a bully during middle school, or cheating on their spouse, or “stepping on others” to get ahead at work.

Selfishness carries a negative connotation, as Carlson and colleagues mentioned, and is an undesirable label, often leading to feelings of regret or guilt. Most people are not inherently selfish or sociopathic (a relatively rare mental health condition, where someone may seem incapable of empathy or remorse).

Take care of yourself… but don’t forget others

To avoid acting selfishly, an awareness of when self-serving actions negatively impact others is an essential first step. Once aware of your options, you can then choose how to proceed.

A selfless life (filled with sacrifice and overly cautious behavior) is unrealistic and unnecessary. As a species, we are primed to take care of ourselves and our own… but to also look out for our community. Selfish behavior and mindless actions harm others, regardless of our intentions or motives. And these actions can hurt us as well.

The Buddha said it well: “The smallest good deed done unselfishly is more precious than innumerable good deeds done selfishly.”

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A similar version of this article was posted on Medium in 2024.